My kind of romance

We have a double whammy of romance this week. At the weekend, it's Valentine's Day, and tomorrow sees the release of the film of the erotic novel Fifty Shades of Grey.

My husband says that I'm not romantic. I don't make grand gestures with rose petal strewn beds and silk negligees (for me, not him). When he asks what romance is to me, I have to admit that I'm a tad stumped. I think that we've come to connect romance with events such as Valentine's Day (when supposedly you should be especially 'romantic') and cliches such as chocolates, flowers and dinner dates. However nice that might be, it all seems a little shallow.

Romance has always seemed to me to be the icing on the cake of something that goes much deeper, an enduring connection that sees past the fripperies of presents and passion. If you push me to identify my kind of romance then I'd have to say that I find romance in seeing your partner for who they really are, through good times and bad, and loving them not despite all of that but because of it. I find romance in choosing to stay on the same path for a lifetime, with all the negotiations and consideration for each other that that takes. I see romance in the elderly couple who still hold hands after decades together and compliment each other on a morning.

I don't read romance novels, however well written they are, but over the years I've come across a number of literary connections that speak to me of my kind of romance.

  • The connection between Gabriel Oak and Bathsheba Everdene in Thomas Hardy's 'Far from the Madding Crowd' is one that grows through friendship to a deeper understanding of what love really is.
  • Audrey Niffenegger's 'The Time Traveller's Wife' describes not only Henry DeTamble's struggle to live with his uncontrollable time travelling but the growing love between him and his wife Clare, from the moment they met when she was a child to their final parting.
  • Titania and Oberon in A Midsummer Nights Dream plays tricks on each other and throw unkind words but in the end, it is to each other that they will always return.

Have a wonderful weekend, however and with whomever you spend it.

Ed Sheeran - Thinking Out Loud


  1. Interesting post. So is your husband romantic?
    I'll admit to reading, watching and enjoying a good chick flick.Although I think I'd be very suspicious if my hubby turned up with bunches of roses and chocs on Valentines Day.
    As for the Fifty Shades of Grey movie, I will be joining the boycotters who donate to women's shelters instead of seeing the film. #fiftyshadesisabuse #50DollarsNot50Shades

    1. He is romantic, yes. I'm very lucky as he's very considerate and thoughtful. I won't be seeing that movie either - not my cup of tea.

  2. I have no plans to see this movie. I didn't read the book either. I do write romance though. I'm of the school who believes romance is little things, not big grand gestures. My husband gave me a flash drive as an early Valentine's Day present. I loved it. I couldn't care less about flowers and chocolate, but a flash drive is something I needed. He knows me, and to me that's romance.

    1. Sounds like a good kind of romance, Kelly.

  3. I agree with you, Fi. Romance isn't candy and flowers. It's him doing the laundry or getting my car washed so I don't have to do it. I'm passing on the 50 Shades, too. Domination is not my idea of fun.

  4. I agree with you about romance, Fi. I am not a romantic, and at this point can't even tolerate much of a chick flick anymore. I hope being married hasn't ruined me because I used to be very much into them. For me romance is getting in bed at the time to read. I love being quiet with my husband, when the tv is turned off and the house feels still...and all I can hear are the sounds of book pages turning and his breathing. :)

    1. I know just what you mean, Shelah.


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